1. 
   1:54 PM]Clearwaters: It’s like I’m standing on a flaming bridge, staring into clear waters, and I have a choice, I can die by fire, or jump, and risk the landing… at least there’s no fish or other wildlife to eat me if I survive the fall. And hell – I know how to swim… that was the edge
2. [2:00 PM]Clearwaters: The thing I’ve learned about taking leaps of faith, two things really: one, know where you’re leaping to and gauge the situation. Two, there’s always another leap you have to take once you’ve taken one, you sort of get addicted to the adrenaline. It’s better just to hearth
3. [2:01 PM]Clearwaters: Three, if you ash out into the water, then you can sort of prevent the fire from happening in the first place.
4. [2:02 PM]Clearwaters: It seems they will never stop selling cigarettes, no matter how much I want them to.
5. [2:03 PM]Clearwaters: SO I guess the problem is me. I have to stop buying them. That’s basically supply and demand for ya anyway
6. [2:04 PM]Clearwaters: 4 left – one for god, one for jesus, one for satan, and one for me to break
7. [2:07 PM]Clearwaters: I smoked one, no idea which it was. And that’s life for Clear
8. [2:08 PM]Clearwaters: Should watch the TV show “THE PREACHER” with me. Weirdly good shit. I’m enjoying it but for someone with an addictive, malleable personality, It does tend to go to the head. Guess it’s going to be Disney for me in theory
9. [2:09 PM]Clearwaters: Too bad the sapphire broke in MANIFEST
10. [2:09 PM]Clearwaters: Should’ve ordered a diamond I guess
11. [2:09 PM]Clearwaters: End scene
12. [2:10 PM]Clearwaters: Somewhere in between the deleting adds up to a lot of stress, but I auto-matt-ically do it and then resolve the issues after I’ve fucked up another 20-40 more
13. [2:11 PM]Clearwaters: Compound interest
14. [2:12 PM]Clearwaters: End then the blade dulls, and I choose the next ledge to find for a while – until the pain gets too much to bear so I finally want to jump again
15. [2:13 PM]Clearwaters: Pretty sure I’ve struck out 3 times and I’ve been sitting in the extra innings waiting for the game to finally come to a close for a while
16. [2:13 PM]Clearwaters: That or I’ve been doing a lot of walking in my mind and I’m tired of balls hitting me
17. [2:17 PM]Clearwaters: Guess the answer for me is 3, not 42. That’s how old she was when I met her
18. [2:18 PM]Clearwaters: Had 45 dollars in savings. Never got an answer, and we all get older at the same rate. But life starts everytime someone is met
19. [2:20 PM]Clearwaters: $22.50, that’s basically the average price of my hour these days. Or the cumulative total of a day’s sin
20. [2:22 PM]Clearwaters: 2.5 left – because I like men
21. [2:22 PM]Clearwaters: Good show too, funny, dorky. Saw that one a few times.
22. [2:23 PM]Clearwaters: It’s Monday here tomorrow Astro – I’ll remember to take those meds tonight. As the goodbye starts, that’s how I begin.
23. [2:24 PM]Clearwaters: So yeah, a little perfect and a little overtime. Usually how it goes.
24. [2:24 PM]Clearwaters: Consequence.
25. [2:28 PM]Clearwaters: Gay – God – Cigarettes – Delusion – TV – Marriage – Business Metaphor – Baseball – Similie – Money – Sin – Cigarette – TV reference – Medication – Work – Truth – Resolution
26. [2:29 PM]Clearwaters: Freebie
27. [2:31 PM]Clearwaters: Time to draw the line.
28. [2:32 PM]Clearwaters: Thanks to whoever read this – if it gets deleted I’m sorry, if it was seen, I’m sorry too.
29. [2:32 PM]Clearwaters: Water

Maybe it’s love

Maybe it can hurt me

Do you not want it

Anymore?

Essentially,

I’m not a songwriter, but I can see a trend. Obviously we’ve met until we can’t. What happens, next?

I’ll learn and I’ll study, I’ll frolick and I’ll play, but I totally realize, I can’t see you today.

Tomorrow.

What about yesterday? What about the day before? What about RIGHT NOW. Essentially, I have nothing to lose. I do, but I can’t see you don’t. I just want to believe it.

Still, maybe time is still passing, and at the same time, there is no

Well

Since

The time is passing.

I don’t know if I should share this story. But here it is. Years ago, when I lived at home, my mother and sister got into a fight with me caught in the middle. I started pacing, panicking really, and ended up going outside to the backyard of the house to try and get away from the yelling. Someone locked me outside. It was the middle of winter, and I was in a t-shirt. I was still elevated and instead of going back into the fight, I jumped the 8 foot fence and left. I was freezing – I didn’t know where to go. I walked for an hour in sub-zero temperature with no idea where I was going. Somehow in the recesses of my mind I guess I remembered that this hotel I had been to before, one in the distance I found, so I went in, frozen to the bone. I hadn’t my wallet or cellphone. But they had a fire in the lobby. So I sat all night at that fire and eventually fell asleep with nobody disturbing me. In the morning when I woke up, someone asked me if I was OK. I woke up delirious, but called home and told them I was ok. My family. I don’t remember where or when or how I got home. But this theme of fleeing these situations has pervaded my life. I fell asleep in a hospital lobby once. In an air bnb. All I know now is that when I wake up, or maybe anyone, I should be careful. I forgive quick, and the situations just keep happening. Maybe I should stop trying to fix the problem and just accept. I can’t fix other people. I just need to be safe and warm, and from that, I realize I really do need to apologize perhaps. I have woken you many times and you are just trying to get out of situations too. I don’t know why I shared that. It’s just a silly thought. Just a thought. Some reason I could hope to offer help, if it’s not just a thought to keep to myself. Or maybe an explanation to why I really don’t know myself, or what damage I can do.

I was writing, meandering, really, on the fact that every day can be your best day ever, should you believe it.

The writing that I am linking to now is something I wrote in the depths of my frustration, and was used to great avail to prove a point to myself.

http://technoverte.com/with-musical-influence

There are events from today which have calmed my spirit, but to get to the future, one must release the past. Relish in the mustard seed and ketchup when you can.

Mr. Clean in second sight

Recons not to dim a light

For granted be friend amidst

Tiny foe or tethered twist

He asks his daughter’s scowl subside

For each one of us leave not her side

To answer one more painful tune

Just as the spring begins full bloom

Weeding my mind of horror

I bother to sit for days

There’s a common theme throughout the house,

A young girl as she plays

I don’t have time to spend with her,

Truth is,

(I couldn’t care)

Not because I’ve lost her trust,

But because I’m never there

If I could write the truth again,

This is what I’d say,

The young girl is blessed here,

And wallow shall she play,

The world gives us all a chance,

And interrupts us not,

I regret to type this poem out,

Outlier should we fought.

In english word is careful prose,

A time capsule of repent,

Remembering a horror time,

The tower and it’s scent

The one who fell first should be built up,

So the second too,

The emotion in this churchy house,

Anonymity blessed you.

You know the name for those remorse, fellow sudden few,

Sitting among the dinner table,

Said not that laugh for you.

We wave a hand, dismiss the class, and gesture for a sign,

The father in our humble places, stops us just in time.

You’d think the poem ought to end, and trust that true it shall,

A one voice tone, a pitch, a phone, the sister mind (oh, wow).

In present time she is yards away,

Separated by door and wall.

She pled to Granma, where to now,

And blindly was answered for her question, not that I could see,

She wanted to go back to play,

Her mother not right there.

The elder always talk in the tone,

To make me second guess, I guessed,

Truth is they likely just share love,

A photo, plan or moment. I digress,

The actions taken against my soul,

A blame I cannot muster,

Wanting someone to understand,

I am still just a youngster…

Getting to, the mongrel barks, (it’s humour – love her well),

A reader of the written sound,

I remember that I write.

It’s September, like last year, feeling all the same. Access to the best of things, albeit not a game.

Computer broken, at least the keys, and instagram obsessed…

In three days I’ve haunted more, news and spies alest,

One or two laughs. One or two.

Maybe maybe more.

In my mind the humour hits,

Yet judgement also, well.

As a boy with a curious mind, and efferwhelming cause,

I wonder if the space in time, between the space’s time,

Could be filled with other choice, you get it, there’s a noise,

Attention drawn to subtle things, by memory and their choice.

I can control the anxiety once or twice, but not just in the morn, in fact when I wake up, it’s like I’ve been reborn.

I watch all day as dendrytes click, and my mind seeks out the path… my body with a barrier, seen by what I’ve read. People always cheering on, or beating to a pulp, the efforts of the countless mass, the hordes of people there.

With 7.5 billion on the earth, one asks that if it’s true… when I was born I was only one, one cell that had been fused. Now God above who answers all, and gives that which we need… the population of the earth, I know…

I’m waiting for the chant to end,

Not knowing where it

… the two lines I answered her, or him but likely her,

Because I believe I’ve had a connection, a thought link through the text. She gives me apple, I take a bite, I swallow up my doubt…

Was she evil, am I good, why should the air be clear,

Weight as I change, the pressure builds (a brother nearing by)…

The house sits calm, the anticipate, I will need to break my rhyme…

The guy he yells, my floors they shake, no matter what I do. The fact is my ears can be good, my heart allowed, my finger starts to fade…

In English I am like you. I hope. Maybe it’s

Another common phrase that interrupts the song…

Outside the 10×10 right here, I cannot seem to guess, where everyone is or what they do, or why it even matters. Rightfully, I am likely safe, though if you knew me doubt, I forgive…

Doubt I forgive

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

36 characters,

I’m lonely. Right? So my dance is just a test? A tapping on an android screen, romance at it’s finest best? Is there something I can do… to break this cycle now? I’ve seen your message, played the war, and don’t want the pain to end, ok? If we fear change, and I am hurt, I cannot choose my happy. It startles me to feel the pleasure, because to me it’s foreign, to you it’s new (so test), Yet truly it is yes. I waver in time, literally now as I write, everyday sometimes. The words sound great to me, a witch’s brew perhaps… what am I intoxicated on? Myself?

It’s likely dopamine, or something else (Sinek you made me laugh)… I realize I feel this way and buzz my bursted buzz my bursted wind…

The ghoster in me, the ghoster in you. We don’t know. We know. The girl is downstairs. I’ve seen some stranger dreams, some truer, the last night’s I forget. It’s likely food that’s on my nose… yes… the smell…

Before I start to delete, because someone makes a sound… before I paralyze the timing rhythm… or jinx a muted sound.

I think my life is in or out,

Awake or not asleep

🌈

I found sonoluminescence interesting – reference wikipedia from a link, because, it can be colour caused by the implosion (inwards collapsing explosion) of a bubble by sound. Could this be what causes the feelings of synesthesia? Music changing the properties of our brain fluids and releasing colourful thoughts in our mind when we are wearing headphones?

JAT (just a thought)

Fanning flames,

Mr. James?

How does it ignite when lit forthwright

Instant flare without so much to prepare it for a dime to a

Washboard history pissing mystery

Hiccups are caused, as we should know, by a lack of air flow, diaphragm movements become uncontrolled, through fear, or other tactics, we can breathe, a lot of old tales to believe. As I sit, I feel aware and cognizant, I don’t have the hiccups, though I once knew a rambunctious druid self named as such. A little hurricane, a small tranquility, modesty. Anyway, rambling. Not as straight forward as it might have seemed. Peikaboo. Miss you: you know. —– from a shaman to a paladin, a healing wave traded for a flash of light – though we did trade them in for blackened wings: —

Sick of guilt being sickening

Guilty of sickness guilt

Forgiveness

Time