I’m not just all the smoke,

And I have feelings too,

I listen to your words,

And contemplate I do,

Sometimes I don’t respond,

As quickly as you’d like,

But sometimes I’m so patient,

It’s like I rode a bike,

Upon two training wheels,

And then an auto too,

And so I say you’re over,

It’s nothing you can do.

Maybe more that us,

That one invisible friend,

Is something in the words,

That I have yet to learn,

And I know it pisses you off,

That I have stopped the rhyme,

You know it still makes sense,

So I did it one more time.

My luck seems to be,

That everytime it’s me,

I have another reason,

to see the truth indeed,

and though I’m the one

That has to be the one,

It seems it’s never you,

And that it’s never true.

So what do I do?

It’s like a bloody curse,

And a theme indeed,

That writing it in circles,

Is like it’s super seed,

And yet I guess I know

I’m saying nothing really at all,

It sounds like it still works,

In some other trusted line,

And yet I can’t say it all,
Or write it yet indeed,

I know that it is there,

In somewhere that we see,

And though I have no clue,

I’m saying it again,

It’s not all about me,

It’s written in the pen.

a tiny sigh of relief

one that bothered me for ages

one that kept me up at night

and one that turned the pages

i know a sign is nothing significant

but yet what it could be

that someone here is thought aloud

and someone he could be

It’s hello without staying

It’s the time you walked right by

It’s the time you gave me three or four words

Without stopping to ask

It’s the time you asked me to help you

With out anything in return

Its the time you tortured and abused me

Without letting me inside

It’s the time you resorted to hell wind

And times you unsaid

And times that you taunted

All the times that I’m in bed

It’s the time you would ask me

What I would rather have

when I want nothing to give you

And nothing is bad

But hey my mind is still here is it

You think I feel fine

I think you’ve caused this

One too many times

I see that the chord

Of a microscopic view

Is a silence in a half

Of timing for you

And maybe we faught

Alone at the bar

And maybe I didn’t

Complain from afar

but maybe I did when I thought it inside

When I just want a place now

That’s safe to reside

Honest God, it’s hard.
I didn’t ask for strife,
just a wife, or a life,
or a map that didn’t fold in on itself.
Geo geo geo —
the chant of the lost coordinates.
I want my 20s back,
but even that’s a camouflaged echo.
So I stay abrife,
not of hell, but of holding on.

Card Name: The Never That Built Its Own Rhythm 
Caption: 
> I’m never breaking. 
> Never saving. 
> Never taking. 
> Antiquaking. 
> Never shaking. 
> Lost awaking. 
> Mucho grating. 
> Contemplating. 
> 
> I am the pulse that refused to flatten. 
> The rhythm that didn’t ask to be danced. 
> The boy who spoke in ricochet and rhyme, 
> And made his own language of survival.

It’s a mysterious voice. And it might be mine.

Always when you need it to line up

It just seems I fall apart

I’m holding on to little hope

But truthfully why do I have to tire

My body some days doesn’t feel mine

And I need to be multiple places at once

When both seem like the wrong decision

I can’t even see where I am

And perfect, it gets a help,

By taking it from my soul, when I don’t want to I have to give

Two days at a time

And one more trouble

Why is this feeling still here

The one where I can’t go when I need to

Jesus take the timer off my life

I’m sorry but it just feels like

I can’t see that I can’t find

My answer

Maybe it’s that the answer is the question,

The remark and hidden word,

The meaning to all of this,

Even if it seems rather absurd,

But ok I’m a rider,

Of a coast and rapid tune,

But hey it’s fair and worthy,

To choose to sing and woon.

And though I know I’m there,

Wherever we may be,

The guy instead still steadies,

Aches and sometimes readies,

For battles of a mind,

Of crimson, gold and white,

And okay if you’re spying,

I guess I mind alright 😜

I’ve had every reason, for most things – and I’m still focused, and functioning – and still able, thankfully, here, to express.

I can’t know who you are exactly, but there’s someone, out there –

Somewhere, who Might need a little help,

And there’s people within – that see that we’re sometimes not ok.

And then there’s those you see about – that remember who you’ve been,

And maybe I’m alright with that after all, for years it has always been the way.

I call my home my home right now, and I have had a few;

Yet home will always be where my soul grows up, and in each and every thought, each and every trip, each and every place I work, and everywhere I sit;

And sometimes like these moments, when finally I can see,

That sometimes it’s just perfect, and perfect as can be.

And I could add another, or two or three or four,

but right now I’m right here, behind the hidden door,

And I’m happy with that too, for once and once for all,

I finally feel some gratitude, for all that they have done,

because sometimes when I’m older, I still feel as though I’m young.

You start to see that your sister becomes a mother

Glowing as can be,

Supported by a family, of love that once was believed,

Your mother holds her children’s hands,

And you can’t even remember the age,

When you could still do the same,

Your father is not much yours,

And remarks little anymore with his proverbs,

You’re struggling day to day,

And not more than mere sentences are said,

Sometimes you start to double think,

And wonder if you’re better dead.

I’m feeling awfully dark tonight. The usual words aren’t comforting, everything said is triggering, and any word I speak becomes a curse for others, yet it’s impossible to refrain.

And wondering why the world ticks, along like churned up games,

I wonder why I couldn’t love,

Anyone just the same.

It becomes seperation, a desperation, a jealousy mixed with bouts of hope,

That one day if you die,

They’ll take you off the rope.

Words are just mere weapons,

Crafted from tears,

I’m alone tonight,

Still am after 40 years.

They say you’re never alone,

But who are they to say,

When you can’t remember 3 hours ago,

Or if today is even a day.

It takes a miracle to think,

Of anything creative,

And if I even do,

Thousands have already said it,

And if I were to lie,

I’d be the dishonest one,

When everyone else can do it,

Just because I’m that one,

That never gets away.

If I had a party of 5, I’m the tank who needs four healers right about now.

I miss you. Why the heck can’t we just talk.

The importance of position

Of time and space

Of all things innocent,

Of much needed grace,

I give you this,

A place to turn,

A place to wander,

A place to learn

And when it’s done,

As it is

I’ll say this probably

Wasn’t his.