Literally generous to a fault

When I feel good, I get generous, but then I usually regret, I don’t know why I do it, but it could be to forget, or just to pass the time, or say thank you once again, to keep the ball rolling, I do it once again. I’m tired of being good, when some have done so little, and I’m tired of the chore, it takes to keep it little.

I honestly don’t know why it happens. I’m trying to hang on. Sometimes I feel so good, then it all goes wrong. And no matter what I do, I can’t seem to unrepeat, and even if I scream, or pray I do repeat. I just want it back, the gifts I’m freely given, just because she’s evil, doesn’t mean she can keep seething. I feel truly like one, voice of all the pain, was a girl I tried to give, her freedom once again. Yet she never felt it me ?, I never knew it then, and when I try to run, she twists around again. I have no outlet to unwind, lest she know it all, and me because I do it, or say it not at all. It’s seemingly impossible, to do everything at once, and I doubt the really good ones, and even a lonely vice. So what am I to do, I can’t seem to lose nor win. When I have either option, they take it all again. I guess my prayers are, that by the time I look back at this, I’ll have done what I said a little, and found a happy bliss. Or when you read it too, you’ll let old demons go, even if I haven’t, I’m not sure what else to sow. I basically do it out of habit, and even well at that, I know there is a life, outside of me as Matt.