Spence diamonds

The problem is that one commercial.

If I hear it again, I will have to be bulletproof.

If I play it, it will possibly do it to someone else.

How does one beat the cycle.

I have the worst marriage in my universe. I’m stuck. I

I’m not sure how to try

I’m going through something.

It’s a door.

My thoughts.

My enclosed space.

This is probably all wrong.

Because I already know it is. Maybe, only

I’m falling apart. My habits are breaking down. And I needed a cigarette and I got one that lasts for days. And now my perfect moment to quit seems to have disappeared. I still have to function. The cigarette doesn’t extinguish yet. And I don’t even know if I should post this because you are reading it. Was I supposed to believe in a weird marriage? I sure did. And I did what she told me not to do, and everything I did to avoid becoming like her. And I did.

This life behind this wall is brutal. I’m trying to stabilize. I’m trying to get help. I’m trying to take back that moment. And it might not end. It was supposed to be a flame. To actually burn the oil down to the end will take days. I want it to end now. The pain. The disease. The problem. There was some problem I couldn’t figure out. All these years. We might be the problem. I am loved. I love. I live. Enjoy yourself – and be yourself. The upwards hill. The downwards spiral. In the end its all often the same. Some things change slowly if you can see it. I don’t want to lose any more sleep. I don’t want the bad, but when, I could be needing help again. I have only faith too. In something. I hope whoever finds the letter here sees me as clear today. True.