Goodbye Syndrome

Feel like you should calstics bliss into salvidor cali?

It’s been a messy period of life for me. Autocorrect saves me sometimes, yet not in verbal. Things to deal with my own cancerian dialect can be frustrating to me as much as someone else. But I have to focus. I wish others would focus a little more too, maybe they are. Relatively, personally, I can identify with most people I guess. Maybe you can too. This is likely nothing new. I find when I feel most down or most alone, the thing I do is mostly panic, or sometimes I get angry, or I get sleepless, frustrated, even a little desparate for attention and definitely down. These are normal thoughts, and I just want you to know that. If you’re reading my blog, my life history has been very sporadic because I have lived in a little bubble of reclusivity for a long time, afraid to approach the things I’ve truly wanted to do with a certain sense of truth and grace. The result has been disasterous. I have experienced much in life, and I find that time itself seems to not pass the judgement very fairly. Sometimes there’s a space where we all have to take 5, 10, 20 minutes even to reflect and look back through our lives and tell a better story. I know sometimes nobody wants to be that guy, the one where everyone is watching and has to perform. I get a sense of thrill out of the attention, but the fading light of reality is that sometimes there is a certain control that stems us into what we’re supposed to do. I don’t know how I feel about this, personally, but perhaps I could allude to a better picture of myself even, if I could win on the “right moment”, that rush is very relieving. It doesn’t have to be perfect, sometimes simple things like feeding myself, getting a haircut, and taking a few breaks to unwind with my thoughts would be better. That’s why I’m writing this today.

Otherwise, I would say yes. Yes to the things you want and need. If it means opening up the door and going inside, taking a deep breath, and enjoying the scenery of your own apartment for a little while, or if it means taking a walk, going for a hike, treasure hunting, or dancing in your own style, then do it! Your ego is the better have of you. I’d not work on the troublesome thoughts too much, and release some tension. Brendan Burchard once said “Close your eyes, think ‘Release tension, create intention'”. Trust me, sometimes I wish I would remember that too. It’s a warzone. The world is not going to stop you from yourself. Or if it does, trust me, you might not believe it. I hope you do. There’s been situations where I’ve felt very alone, very dark, very reliant on medication and drugs, and I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s okay to cope sometimes, but don’t let it win. If you get the chance to lie or live out with flashbacks, it’s not a great feeling, but then you take that one more step. There are more steps in there than you can imagine, and you have to stay still sometimes to look and see what’s around you. Don’t let them get you Matt. That’s what my old supervisor used to tell me. Don’t let them get to you. Thoughts are private, you are alone, and sometimes that’s the best feeling. When you open a door, if you cross the street and get a wave, if you offer up a moment of kindness to someone else, a hug, even a dollar or more, then you truly are doing something for both you and someone else. It’s good to give. I hated trying to be someone I wasn’t. Truth is, I really am just someone in the middle, sometimes. Literally, and figuratively. The actors and the deceivers around you, there are good people. I hope you know God that well to say, hey, not everything is perfect here and I want to actually help out. God doesn’t do all the work evidently, and I wish to say that my problems are over. Yet they’re not. Only a handful of people in the world offer you support, and I find that without a sense of purpose, clarity, drive, honesty, love, and vision, there is no hope. What is my purpose? To help you generate something special for yourself and create a sense of warmth, love, calm and peace, and to help you create a vision for your future, to create a love for the work you do, to allow you to be honest, to have a sense of peace about your family and friends, and to give you back your sense of hope that your good memories will be abundant and successful in everything that you do.