Dear team members of the Meadowvale Town Centre Symposium Café,
I have made a reconciliation of the first few days I have spent in your establishment, which I will share with you, to a great purpose.
Day 1 – The white sheet of paper with no remark
Today, the 29th of December, I wandered into a room in a large public space, and was greeted by a sign bearing no marking. I stepped into this particular facility and assumed my presence would be welcome. I will inform you that my first day was rather ironically awkward for reasons that are not my own doing.
Regardless, despite my never having been to a “symposium” here previously, I learned from the “woman in a crested, black, three-quarter sleeve dress shirt” that she would sit me at a table. My concern for the imprudence of asking for a cup of coffee and a meal caused me to cause quite a scene. With some sort of conspicuously evil intention (so I assumed), another member bearing the same crested garment suggested that I order a “Symposium Burger” when I was unable to make my own decision from of the book of nutritional information presented to me! I was shocked to think she thought I would be unable to come to a conclusion on my own out of the selection of items you have on your menu! There were only perhaps one or two… surely… I was ceremoniously appalled. In earnst, I was provided with three particular condiments without so much as asking for them (of some sort of red, green, and yellow nature). I read the label of the yellow bottle – Mustard! Your establishment is serving substances used in tactical warfare without so much as providing me with adequate protection in the form of personal protective equipment! Luckily, the person who welcomed me at my table abated me by making me feel welcome enough to sit and read my book. My burger soon came. It was a wonderful experience.
Note: I actually tried this yellow substance known as “Mustard” just out of fear of angering the beast within this particular soft-spoken and mild-mannered person. Your team member now known as “Joss” was very pleasant… eerily pleasant. She and I exchanged partial conversation, where I learned she was an actress by training, and was merely working to pay for her insurmountable (as I can understand) debts to the educational nature of her history.
Note 2: While I was concerned that it was incorrect to order a cup of coffee with a meal, I regret that I had incorrectly assumed most people could just order water (a common occurrence to reduce financial burden.) However, because I now knew the subtle maniacal nature of this team member who had convinced me to order this burger, I allowed her to similar ease my concerns about having a cup of coffee with my meal.
Note 3: In the end, I had a cup of coffee, thoroughly enjoyed the burger, and gave her my utmost gratitude for her service and recommendation. This was the starting point for my interest in the company you work for. I tipped her succinctly in tune with the comfort she gave me in welcoming me as a guest.
Day 2 – the 2nd day of Christmas… (some may call it New Year’s Eve)…
Today, I revisited your location on retreat, and, remembering a conversation from the day before, promptly welcomed myself and sat down at your “bar” area. I don’t quite remember what I “ordered”, but I’m sure there is a record of it somewhere in your “system” (maybe called a [Point of Sale] by some). A man in a “crested, blue, long sleeve dress shirt” gave me the opportunity to partake in some sort of time told ritual whereby people drink beverages containing “Oxygen and Hydrogen” (in a spatial arrangement unbeknownst to me; I merely found the beverage to be particularly effective at inebriating me to the point where my body was obnoxiously social). I did refrain perhaps from providing adequate payment in the form of a “gratuity” to my bartender. I now know that is. I did find that the service was, again, quite excellent, however the discounted structure of my offerings (I believe I was offered a peace offering, some sort of sugary potato?), to put me in an awkward position after being so generously gratuitous yesterday.
Note: None the less, I enjoyed the company of your young strapping “surgeon”-fellow, who I came to learn at some point in my visits to your “Symposium” to be Michael. While charming, he seemed a little distracted by a certain team-member of what I learned to be in relation to the blue-shirted man. While doubtful of the relation, I quickly set a distance between myself and this particular familiar team member, however sweet.
Note 2: This gentle woman was particularly bright, despite perhaps under an affluence of instigation I am not too familiar with myself. I could, and did not judge, as she seemed quite intelligent and mild-mannered that evening (with a friend nearby to accompany her). I was particularly concerned with her use of a certain application known as “Uber”, and promptly made sure to correct her by reminding her to check the license plate while I was outside the ‘bar’ as I will call it at a particular moment this particular evening.
Day 3 – Hubris, or baked potatoes
For some, Monday was actually a ‘vacation day’, but I was promptly invited the night before by your team member “Maddie” to partake in the ritual known as “brunch”. I ordered an orange juice and coffee together, and somehow was convinced to eat some god awful sustenance known as “bacon”. There were other features – think more of those blasted “potatoes”! However, they were not as sweet this time. Disappointing. Oh, and… yes! The very hearty “scrambled eggs”. Unknown to some, I had never actually heard of ‘ketchup’, but my server was so eager to bring it to me that I promptly used it to put on my eggs. “Yolo”. I recalled having been offered this same particular ‘condiment’ the first day at your restaurant for my burger. This day was particularly frightening as my head was somewhat reeling from the night’s previous festivities. Bacon, I discovered, is the best medicine in the world.
Present Day
Thank you for all your hospitality, regardless of the response to this letter. You have a phenomenally coherent establishment. Despite some of the embellishments. A “symposium” is a meeting place. And it was a pleasure to have met everyone I have here, and that I may meet in the future.
With esteemed regards, etc etc.
Clear & Precise Resumes 